*Warning: Long post after years of dormancy*
What changed?
For so many years, I thought I had the best situation. I am working as a nurse, I get paid a reasonable amount of money, I am married to an amazing man, I have 3 beautiful children and I have a home big enough for us and some more.
I believed my life was remarkable, always engaged in pursuing new opportunities alongside my full-time job. Over the past 8 years, I embarked on several online businesses, only to let them go within a year or two. My strong yearning was to create an independent business, aiming for financial independence and the freedom to manage my time.
We traveled to places, I bought luxury items, I changed decors whenever I pleased and my husband and I go out for a drink more often than we should. I kept buying things that I thought would make me happy and would make me look successful. But they never did. Instead, I accrued credit card debts, I felt the need to work more, I was busy, dissatisfied and stressed out.
I was reflecting on the pursuit of success and how I used to believe that achieving certain goals would bring me happiness. However, I realized that constantly striving for more did not bring me the fulfillment I sought.
People though I was a super mom. I often get asked, how I do it all. But deep inside, no one knew I was struggling and I was crying for help.
During my husband’s absence for his nursing school trips, I had to handle all the responsibilities at home while working full-time. Taking care of the kids, managing their homework, packing their lunches, and keeping the house in order became a never-ending task. Although my mom helped with some chores, I still felt overwhelmed. This resulted in me becoming easily angry, creating a tense atmosphere at home, and feeling emotionally distant.
In February 2023, I woke up feeling really sad, overwhelmed, and restless. I knew I needed help and thought of contacting a therapist, but I couldn’t bring myself to make the call.
I was too ashamed to admit that I needed help. It was a taboo in my culture. I waited for months and I thought I could shift my attention to gardening. I even built a greenhouse. It did help me relax but I knew something was missing.
I recently had a conversation with my therapist about feeling overwhelmed and disorganized. I mentioned how my mind and home are cluttered, and I struggle to keep up with my commitments. She asked me why I wanted to add more to my plate by applying for another job when I already felt so busy. This question made me realize how important it is to prioritize and not take on too much.
I found some amazing tools online and I am excited to learn and start this journey to more intentional living.
Over the next few days, I will posting helpful tips and resources I learned along the way to this exciting journey.
I’m sending you so much love, and good vibes. Talk to you soon.